[marriage & in-laws] WE DATED FOR 4 YEARS, NOW I'M GOING TO STAY CELIBATE

Hello, 

I'm inexperienced in seeking advice, but I'll try to write here.

I'm 33 years old this year, and my boyfriend is the same age as me. We met when we were 29, and fell in love at first sight. Maybe my boyfriend doesn't remember, but when he first confessed to me, he said I was his ideal type, someone he would dream to date for a short while and then get married immediately. Those words opened my heart too... We ended up dating each other but never mentioned marriage again, and now, four years have already passed.

Actually, until last year, I thought we were just enjoying our time dating each other regardless of our age. But this year, many of my friends are getting married, so I also feel like settling down now that we've reached this stage. Even my parents think our relationship is getting longer, and although summer is passing by, they hope we'll start planning and get married next year.

I haven't directly brought up marriage with my boyfriend until yesterday. I asked him for the first time, "When are we getting married?" Without any hesitation, he immediately replied that he's not thinking about marriage yet. His reason? He just thinks things are fine as they are right now. He even mentioned that he's leaning towards being against marriage. He said that if we get married, we'll have to deal with family issues and increased responsibilities, and it'll be tough for both of us. He thinks we can continue dating without getting married for as long as we want, and he never imagined I would ask him when we would get married. He even said he doesn't feel the desire to have children.

I feel hurt inside, and I'm deeply disappointed by his response. And on top of it, I've saved up more money than him (t/n: referring to saving for the future wedding?)...

Feeling upset, I told my parents last night. They said that if a man doesn't suggest marriage first, rushing marriage as a woman will likely lead to a breakup or even divorce. They told me to get a grip and that they've never seen a happy relationship where the woman is the one more eager for marriage. They even said it's better to either casually date without any expectations or find a man who is serious about marriage.

Are there others in a situation like mine? And have there been cases where a man's mind changed and he eventually decided to get married? I would appreciate some advice.

post response:

[+1,339][-44]

original post: here

1. [+816, -2]

The parents' advice are right. This seems like a big issue, it's better to break up and date someone else. Whether someone who agrees with just dating or agrees on getting married 

2. [+575, -3]

Even if they make a fuss about liking you and even if you end up getting married, you'll end up fighting and trying to get along with each other. That's the reality of married life. The man's mind is already made, why would you marry someone like that...? 

3. [+520, -4]

The things your parents said are all true 

4. [+277, -2]

Even if you guys dated without any intentions to get married, after dating someone, it's only natural to start thinking about potentially getting married to them. If you start dating someone by saying "You're the type I would like to marry" "You're my ideal type" "It was love at first sight" (No matter how normal it is for feelings to start fading), feelings fading to the point of him saying he doesn't have any intentions on getting married is not normal. What's the point of holding onto relationships like that?

5. [+175, -3]

If he breaks up with you, there's a 100% chance he'll end up marrying another woman in a year... 

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