[PC stories/Life] I WROTE HATE COMMENTS BECAUSE I'M A MALADAPTIVE DAYDREAMER

Yeah this is embarrassing. but do you guys know what MD is? I’ve been struggling with this for more than 10 years..Basically “ Maladaptive daydreaming is a mental health issue where a person daydreams excessively, sometimes for hours at a time.” *copy pasted lol*

Daydreaming is completely normal but my condition is too excessive to the point where it disrupts the responsibilities I have to carry out IRL and ruins my mental health.

My maladaptive daydreaming got 100 time worse during the pandemic because we were stuck in our own homes and I actually really enjoyed that because I was able to escape the world almost completely. I'm sorry if that sounds insensitive to the ones who saw the pandemic as a painful memory for them..

Anyway, back then a celebrity I had a crush on got a girlfriend and for the first time ever.. I sent her mean comments. I was jealous not because I thought I (me, a real person who has never met this celeb IRL and lives miles away) had a chance with him but because this celebrity was a character in my daydream who I made to be my (alternate, imaginary, ideal version of myself in my daydream) romantic fling.

I legitimately thought that she was not good enough for him as if I had a say in who he deserves to be with. Yes cue the nurse she's out again comments.
I did eventually DMed the gf months after that and apologized and thankfully she replied kindly. But that was the moment when I really realized how bad my maladaptive daydreaming was.

I recently just started to stan a boy group who play into that bf/best friend image. I'm scared that it's gonna happen again when my bias gets a gf. It brought out a side of me that I really hated. But currently the parasocial relationship I have with this kpop group f*cks me up so bad and I just feel empty when hit with reality.

I’ve been a kpop fan for more than 10 years and it’s not helping, I’ve been feeling the loneliest I have ever been my entire life and to think that the people I stan are just my distractions to run from reality is depressing. stanning them now just feel like a drug that’s only giving me short term happiness and then I feel empty again. No I have not talked to anyone about this because I am embarrassed.

But I know a lot of people can relate to me in the online community. If you're a teenager going through this please try and control it before you turn into an adult. It's gonna get worse if you don't get help as early as you can. Also this is the first time I’ve been so vulnerable online so please be kind haha. If there’s an online community where I can feel less lonely please share in the comments.

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