[PC stories/Life] I DON'T KNOW IF I'M DEALING WITH THIS THE RIGHT WAY

So firstly I don't want opinions from homophobes so please restrain from dropping irrelevant opinions.

I'm 26 y/o F. I have enjoyed my single life thoroughly until I met this girl 3 years ago (she's 2 years older than me). We've been together for 3 years and since the start of our relationship, it was a red flag imo. I'll tell you why -

1. She wasn't and still isn't considerate about my feelings and of cheated on me. And I stopped giving a damn about it now.
2. I went through a really tough time emotionally and mentally when I lost my mom and the only person I could be myself and show my vulnerable side was her and she didn't gaf and flew away to a different city when I needed her the most.
3. Like mentioned, I have been single and only been into short term dates or casual talks. I'm not used to anyone restricting me from hanging out with friends. It changed after we started dating and controlling me what to do and what not to. We often end up arguing and not talking for days but at the end of every fight, it's me who fixes this shit, compromising my social life. She was against me making friends in uni so ended up being alone with hardly 2 or 3 friends while she continued making new friends and traveling across cities.

There was lots of stuff going on in between. I got humiliated nth times in front of my friends because of her. Still, I stayed with her out of love and affection. But this slowly, eventually made me lose interest in her and I asked her to let's give it a rest to this relationship and explore life separately and meet people. I told her I'll be there whenever she's in need of a friend. Few months later, she was back saying it's unfair how I ended up everything after spending so much time together. The truth is, she wasn't serious in the beginning and started getting serious (that's what she said) however, her toxic behaviour remains the same. We ended up getting back because she insisted and told me her mom was sick and I didn't want her to go through this alone as I know how hard it is to deal with this.

After her mom passed away, I flew back to my hometown to be there for her and when we met, she said she wouldn't have forgiven me if I didn't come to meet her. And tbh, I felt upset thinking how could someone be so selfish and self centred to think this way when she herself wasn't there for me. Nonetheless, I didn't say anything and continued supporting her cuz that's what we do for other humans at such times.

Now we're together, we're not close like we used to be because I can never see her romantically after she made me go through hell and give me emotional trauma. I am enjoying little things like binge watching series, going out for trekking and talking to people around me without catching feelings (cuz fuck relationships and I'm done with this bad experience). I'm just there waiting for the day when she'll say me that she has lost interest and we should part away. I'm at that life stage where I want to heal from the pain of losing my mother and be alone locked in a room only with my thoughts until I feel okay.

Please suggest what I should do? Or is it bad that I've started talking (not flirting) to people in my free time? Though I have no intentions of dating or cheating.

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